dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
