24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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