I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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