you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
