I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
