JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
