I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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