somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
