is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
