I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am available for nakedness
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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