forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
