FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
