Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
