She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
