watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
