That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
