You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is my gift to your gina
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And then my night got REAL pukey
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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