cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
