awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
