were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
