i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
