I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
