He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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