we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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