bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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