But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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