i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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