remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
