he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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