dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
