I only kidnapped one of them. chill
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
