the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
