you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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