i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
