u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
