is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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