just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
