My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
