This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
