i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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