So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
