Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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