Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
