That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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