shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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