a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
