I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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