The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
