Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
