she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We need to get me chipped asap
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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