Say something about gay babies.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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