Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dick has a subreddit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
